Conflict is a normal part of marriage. No matter how much you and your spouse love each other, you won’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Having the occasional argument doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with your marriage, but the way you and your spouse handle your disagreements plays a big role in whether you’ll stay together for the long haul. Luckily, healthy conflict resolution is a skill that anyone can learn. You can solve problems with your spouse by talking with each other honestly, fighting fair, and finding ways to avoid unnecessary conflicts in the future.
Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences.
One reason we have conflict in marriage is that opposites attract. Usually a task-oriented individual marries someone who is more people-oriented. People who move through life at breakneck speed seem to end up with spouses who are slower-paced. It’s strange, but that’s part of the reason why you married who you did. Your spouse added a variety, spice, and difference to your life that it didn’t have before.
But after being married for a while (sometimes a short while), the attractions become repellents. You may argue over small irritations—such as how to properly squeeze a tube of toothpaste—or over major philosophical differences in handling finances or raising children. You may find that your backgrounds and your personalities are so different that you wonder how and why God placed you together in the first place.
To solve conflicts in marriage, remember to;
Find a good time to talk.
Talk with your spouse when both of you are well-rested and able to focus. Don’t try to solve problems when one or both of you are distracted, tired, or hungry.
For instance, if your spouse has just come home from work, give them some time to unwind before you bring up something that’s bothering you.
Forgiving your spouse’s mistake
If your spouse made a mistake, learn to forgive and forget. Once you have forgiven, don’t ever bring up the issue again. Many spouses make the mistake of bringing up past mistakes during arguments and this makes things between couples sour.
Create and cultivate emotional trust in your marriage.
When the disagreements come, it’s easy to feel like you’ve married the wrong guy. Every marriage has disagreements because we’re two separate individuals. But nothing good can come from emotionally threatening your spouse with the word, ‘divorce’*. Make an agreement to not even bring up that word in your marriage no matter how bad the argument or situation is (assuming there is no abuse or infidelity.)
Accepting your mistake
An ego clash is a common reason for many family problems. Being stubborn and not accepting a mistake you have made and blaming your spouse can make your spouse angry. If you are wrong, be gracious enough to accept it. This will help both of you move on and understand each other better.